Lethean Caresses
by ZoZo1770
Summary: Darkness: a time of fear, pain and death. Yet, for Siegfried, perhaps there are indeed sinful pleasures to be found among the nightmares. Smut, yaoi, Kilik/Siegfried


Summary: _Darkness: a time of fear, pain and death. Yet, for Siegfried, perhaps there are indeed sinful pleasures to be found among the nightmares. Smut, yaoi, Kilik/Siegfried_

So... this is really just shameless smut. I've noticed a lack of Kilik/Siegfried fics on here, and I love them both as a pairing. Thus, here I present to you some angsty, depressing, sexy goodness (I hope).

The title refers to Lethe, one of the rivers of the Underworld in Greek mythology. Lethe was the river of forgetfulness.

Enjoy!

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><p>Darkness was falling quickly, as it always did.<p>

It was a curious thing, darkness. The lack of light and noise and life was something that struck fear into the hearts of men. This was the time when the monsters came to play.

But, in Siegfried Schtauffen's case, these were no ordinary monsters.

These were beasts that ravished the mind, that invaded the thoughts, that fed on pain as though it were a sweet delicacy. They were constant, omnipresent, whispering words of torment into Siegfried's ear, running their claws through his hair, wrapping their knarled fingers around his neck.

And yet there was something comforting about the darkness, too. The silence was not always deadly. The solitude was not always maddening. This was the time for forbidden desires to surface, when the sun slept and the moon watched in its place.

For every hour of pain, there was a minute of pleasure. And for every minute of pleasure, there was a second of blissful forgetfulness. Tonight, Siegfried would not once again feel his mind break with guilt, nor would he reminisce on the countless he had slain.

No… for now, just this once, he felt a little more… _whole_. There was someone there who could ease some of the torment, someone who understood a small part of the horror he was experiencing. The two of them were both journeying alone, focused on their individual goals; their guilt-ridden minds set on letting nobody else join them on their travels.

They couldn't let anyone else get hurt. The anguish was for them and them alone to bear, and for them to forget on a night such as this – a night in which they found comfort in each other, a night in which the agony was a little more tolerable.

After all, what was pleasure without a little pain?

Siegfried tipped his head back and closed his eyes as the man on top of him kissed his jaw gently, moving to his neck moments later. He had been freed of his upper crystal armour long ago and let out a small groan as he felt soft fingers undo his mail and pull it aside, before roaming his chest, as though painting a delicate, fragile picture on his skin. He shivered at Kilik's touch, a tiny gasp escaping his lips as he began to writhe a little on the mattress, his ragged breaths the only sound in the small room of the inn in which the two of them would stay tonight.

Siegfried ran his fingers through Kilik's hair as the latter planted kisses on his chest, his tongue occasionally flicking a rapidly-hardening peak and causing the German to gasp. He could feel himself becoming more and more aroused and it was all he could do to not strip Kilik of his armour and beg him to take him instantly. The brunet began to impatiently take off his own upper body armour, ripping his shirt a little in the process, and within seconds the cloth and metal clattered to the floor and he continued his ministrations, skin brushing against skin.

The knight knew that this pleasure was only temporary. When dawn broke it would all start again: the guilt, the grief, the agony of living. This passion was a sweet lie in contrast to the painful truth, nothing but a fleeting moment of ecstasy before it withered and died, to be replaced by the harshness of reality. Even now as he welcomed Kilik's kisses, he could not truly forget for one moment the reason he was here: that blissful moment of euphoria and, with it, forgetfulness, the second that he would wait for every night, in which the pleasure was so great it was painful and he could not think, until the only word that could spill forth from his lips would be his lover's name, as though it were a mantra that banished the monsters that haunted him so.

Kilik continued to caress Siegfried's skin, pressing urgent kisses to his chest and working his way down to his stomach before stopping and lightly fondling the uncomfortable bulge between his legs. Siegfried groaned, desperate for the heavy armour to come away, and Kilik began to slowly undo his fauld and greaves before pulling them away and discarding them on the floor by the bed. Though the majority of the weight had been relieved from his groin, Siegfried still found himself yearning for more, relieved when Kilik took hold of the rest of his mail and underclothing, pulling them down to his knees and thus freeing him from restraint. Siegfried gasped as the cold air caressed him before Kilik took his member in his mouth, causing him to murmur incoherently with pleasure. He bucked his hips involuntarily, gripping the sheets and tipping his head back as he felt Kilik's tongue expertly dance across his throbbing manhood, arousing him further and further still.

Siegfried ran his fingers through Kilik's hair, entangling them in the smooth, soft strands. The sensation was maddening, yet he needed more, he needed to _forget _–

He needed pain.

He knew he deserved it. And yet it was not emotional torment that he was desperate for – he had had plenty of that – but that which was physical. He wanted the feeling of Kilik's teeth on his neck and nails on his back to surpass the mental agony brought on by the monsters in his mind. He wanted to be marked, to be shamed, to be broken. This sick, twisted fantasy was a guilty secret, and yet one through which Siegfried could attain peace, no matter how little it lasted for.

Kilik had now stopped ravishing Siegfried's aching sex with his tongue, coming back up to his level. He nuzzled the knight's jaw before undoing his own trousers and undergarments and impatiently kicking off his boots, undressing the blond further until not a shred of clothing remained between them.

Kilik grasped Siegfried's wrists, pinning them above his head, and proceeded to caress his neck. Siegfried moaned a little as he felt the other man panting against his skin, murmuring his name between ragged breaths. Skin brushed against skin as Siegfried grew hotter and hotter, the helplessness of his position arousing him further. His pulsing manhood ached with pleasure and his breathing grew deeper as he began to tremble, sighs of pleasure spilling from his parted lips, whilst Kilik grinded into him harder.

Siegfried knew by the urgency with which Kilik touched him that he needed the control over the knight, the absolute dominance. For someone who had lost control so many times, to finally have order over something – some_one_ – else was a small yet blessed relief. Siegfried's need for submission complimented this perfectly: they were fire and water, pain and passion, together in this silent, desperate act. Night after night, this was the sole means of comfort among the journey of hardship, the only pleasure outlet amidst the daily haze of pain.

There was little need for words.

Kilik took advantage of Siegfried's parted lips by drawing a hand down towards them, the other keeping his wrists pinned above his head. The knight wasted no time in generously coating the long, elegant fingers in saliva, relishing the sweet taste of Kilik's skin. He whined a little when he finally pulled away – there was something so sensual about this simple act that he wanted more - before feeling Kilik's balmy fingers slowly, torturously caress his entrance before one was carefully inserted.

The knight inhaled sharply as the man above him gently brushed the sweet bundle of nerves that caused a jolt of pleasure to shoot through him. He gasped, writhing on the mattress, his breathing ragged, and Kilik slipped a second finger inside him, causing him to mewl with need, all the while caressing his jaw and neck with his tongue. Kilik's grip on Siegfried's wrists tightened whilst his other hand danced inside him, drawing out every shuddering moan possible from the trembling blond. He added a third finger, pressing harder into him and biting down on his neck, marking him as his.

Yes, _this_ was what Siegfried needed! The sweet pain of Kilik's teeth on his skin, the discomfort of his fingers stretching him so quickly. He wanted to be ravished, to be rendered utterly helpless, to quiver with need beneath his lover. He wanted to be broken.

Kilik drew his hand away from Siegfried's entrance, keeping the other hand on his wrists, before planting a chaste kiss on his lips and caressing his chest with his fingers, his touches torturously light. Siegfried barely had time to moan in protest for Kilik to touch him again when the latter roughly entered him without warning, eliciting a scream of agonising pleasure from the blond.

It hurt, gods, _yes_, it hurt, and yet – and yet there was something so _satisfying_ about this delicious torture that Siegfried could not bear for it to stop. He deserved this, he deserved this pain, this beautiful, _beautiful_ pain, it made him forget and yet reminded him of his sins,  
>too – this sweet unrest, this tender and passionate agony – oh, how he wanted <em>more<em> –

Kilik's other hand began to close around the knight's neck, and he gasped at the feeling of pressure on his windpipe, the limitation of air only arousing him further as Kilik continued his long, hard thrusts inside him. The pain was beginning to dull, now, and was replaced by a scarlet, aching pleasure which intensified as the seconds passed. Kilik began to moan into Siegfried's neck, evidently beginning to lose control a little himself, as his thrusts grew rougher and harder and he bit down on Siegfried's collarbone, making him cry out and drawing blood.

Siegfried could almost hear his heart beating quickly as his senses heightened. He was murmuring unintelligibly now, his eyes closed and his breaths deep and ragged. The pain and numbness from Kilik's hands on his wrists and throat sent chills up his spine, yet it was not enough –

Kilik's hand moved away from Siegfried's throat and the latter gasped for air whilst Kilik entangled his fingers painfully into his long, golden hair, pressing a forceful, bruising kiss to the knight's mouth. Siegfried whimpered when Kilik bit down on his lips, his arousal so strong it began to hurt, all the while being taken roughly, painful pleasure building up inside him. Any minute now that second of euphoria would come – oh, how he would welcome it –

And then Kilik stopped and drew away almost completely. The caresses stopped and he pulled out roughly, and the only contact that remained was his hand on Siegfried's wrists. The German trembled violently, a sob of need falling from his lips. He twisted about in desperation, his breaths harsh and ragged – this had never happened before – _why _had the touches stopped –?

Kilik trailed his fingers lightly along Siegfried's collarbone and down his chest, which moved rapidly with every shuddering breath he took. He _needed_ Kilik inside him again – the teasing was torture. Kilik's fingers moved down across his stomach, skimming past the place on which he needed them most until they came to rest gently on the inside of his thighs, coming so agonisingly _close_ and yet drawing away at the last second.

The tears were falling freely now – Siegfried could not pinpoint exactly when they had begun to cascade down his flushed cheeks – and a low, drawn-out moan issued from his trembling lips. His wrists were still held tightly above his head – it was all he could do not to try and break out of Kilik's grip and clasp the brunet to him, feeling the warmth of his skin once more.

The pleasure was great, yet the pain was greater – to be kept on edge was a sweet agony – how he _needed _this release –

He could barely whisper his plea, his voice breaking.

'_Bitte_.'

Kilik's dark eyes met Siegfried's tear-glazed blue ones, evidently drinking in the sight of the moaning, sobbing, trembling wreck before him, reduced to begging even without Kilik's command. The brunet halted his ministrations fully and instead traced Siegfried's jaw with his fingertips, tilting his face towards him and pressing his lips gently, silently to the blond's. Siegfried barely had the energy to moan into the kiss, his mind so clouded with lust and need as he writhed on the mattress, his eyes closed and his body shaking.

'Look at me.'

Siegfried hardly heard the murmured command, yet he opened his eyes and gazed intensely into Kilik's ones, sighing and panting and moaning, his lips shakily moving, wordlessly begging Kilik to take him. It was a gaze of utter desperation – he needed this release, the sweet moment of euphoria to take away the mental torment – and yet he wanted to be punished for his sins, to be taken so forcefully that the pleasure turned into pain, to the point that he was in so much agony that the begging was for Kilik to stop – and yet still he would want him to keep going even then, until his throat was hoarse from screaming and every last muscle in his body ached.

Keeping one hand on Siegfried's wrists, Kilik grabbed a fistful of the knight's hair before roughly entering him, battering the sweet bundle of nerves and yet never breaking eye contact, forcing him to look at the brunet and watching his expression of euphoria as he finally came undone. Siegfried's back arched and he cried Kilik's name, his limbs shaking, his member twitching and his expression one of utmost ecstasy as he fought to keep his tearful eyes open and stare into his lover's face, yet the sensation became too great and he tipped his head back, closing his eyes and moaning, feeling Kilik ravish his neck and shoulder with his tongue, groaning as he released into Siegfried swiftly afterwards.

Again and again Kilik thrust into him, waves of pleasure overcoming the German until the only word that he could utter was Kilik's name, moaning it repeatedly as though it were the only thing reminding him of his mortality – oh how he would love to stay like this forever –

Kilik removed his hand from Siegfried's wrists, the other still entangled painfully in his hair, and trailed it down his chest and stomach, slick with the sweet fluids of this sinful act, before grasping the base of his manhood and caressing it with his fingers, eliciting a sob from Siegfried as he shuddered, wrapping his now-free arms around Kilik and clasping him close as the pleasure turned into pain – he could not take anymore –

And then Kilik was slowing down, his kisses become gentler, more passionate, his thrusts gradually reducing in speed. Siegfried's moans quietened as he finally came down from his climax, gasping as Kilik pulled out, caressing his jaw lovingly before gazing into Siegfried's face and tenderly wiping away his tears, planting a chaste kiss on his lips.

Siegfried knew the nightmares would plague him again tonight. Yet part of him, a sick, _twisted _part of him looked forward to them as he would wake up to the situation he was in now: entwined in Kilik's arms, with him wiping his tears away and whispering words of endearment, soothing him, telling him that beautiful, _beautiful _lie: that everything was alright.

The darkness had fallen now, and Siegfried welcomed it.

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><p><em>Bitte - <em>please (German)

Thoughts? All reviews appreciated greatly! :)


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